a little funk.

    so this one is going to be verry raw. verry  teenager esk. i am not going to spell check this for crap. i have been in a funk latley. i havent been to the gym for like three weeks. i havent been watching my food intake. i ahve been a gluttoneus peice of trash. i have beeen spending money i dont have on food that is going to contribute to an early grave and as of late i have been hoping that would be soon. i am twenty six and fuck i feel like im fifty and recovering from a fucking heart attack. i know i wont feel like this in the morning. but right now i still have taco bell in my stomach. like i said im in this i dont give a fuck lull.
    there have been good things going on. just not in the last couple of days. i have been watching my son a lot more now. although i get to spend more time with him. i have been in the mood where i dont want to do shit. i just sit on the couch getting fatter while he plays with his toys. i have no idea why i wont just play with this cute ball of awesomeness. for some shitty reason i cant peel myself off the couch to do it.
   like i said i have been in a funk. fights with the wife over the most pointless shit. i got drunk a few night ago for the first time in months. so there is a huge self disapointment for sure. family issuses that i care not to really express to the person i am having them with have gone on way to long. before i wrote about jelousy. there is so much more to it. there is a feeling of not being important. a feeling of being compleatly useless to the rest.
   i assure you i will be over this verry soon. that i will find my self happy as a pig in shit. but till then i will have to deal with my emotions one way or another. i know its been a while since i put any thing down on paper gotta tell you it feels pretty good.
  on a possitive side i have been thinking about putting some material together and doing an open mike stand up one night. but i am such a shitty public speaker i dont know if it will work out for me. the last time i spoke in public was at my wedding and i cries like a fucking baby which i am reminded of al ittle more than i would like to be,. well any way thanks for reading this. i need to do something. thanks scean for telling me too. much love bro. take care of your self.