cross to bear.

     so religion is important to people in my family. i honestly feel that i get treated different in some aspects of family life because i don't go to church with them. and it saddens me. i am happy that they have found what motivates them, and found something to believe in. i truly am. but it really seems like they cant be happy for me being content in my life.
     i feel religion is to  people to find and interpret for themselves. i feel that Churches really do nothing but help fake people become more fake. i am not saying all. but from the majority i have seen its a lot.
   i hear things likee "you need to make sure you bla bla bla" and it always is about religion. why does every thing come down to religion? i really have nothing against religion. but if conversation goes as fallows......"so do you want to come to church sometime" and response is "its really not my thing" that really should be the end of the conversation. and repeat asking is not going to warrant any other kind of response. well from me any ways. i will have conversations about religion with people all day long.
   once that turns to what i need to do. or what i should be doing then my ears are closed. look i know this is kinda shitty and boring but you know its just been kinda on my mind. i love my family.. i love that they have metaphorically accepted Jesus into there hearts. but please it doesn't mean ever one needs to find happiness the same way. i love you all. thanks for putting up with me. i plan on creating a few characters soon. and start some fiction. i hope it goes well. and i hope you all like it. the reads which i can track have been awesome keep reading and ill keep posting as long as you all like what i do. love you.
   danny

A WRITING SMILE

   my hands play game that others cant see.
my mind sees lies in the eyes of the unwashed.
my eyes look at the plain view of a consolation that is covered by clouds.
  my life spends time in the wake of a lost one.
my sorrow waste time in the loss of the unimportant.
my grief is what binds the worlds of the unsavory.
  my popularity is something i have never witnessed.
my insecurities play with the ones i love.
my words create boundaries that i have not knowingly created.
my apologies are swift and UN noticed.
 these are my thoughts that you all wish to read.
complicated and crazy, twisted and full of nothing.
my thanks is that of which is lost. but my gratitude is fulfilling. as you can tell by the smile on my writing.
                        danny

a little funk.

    so this one is going to be verry raw. verry  teenager esk. i am not going to spell check this for crap. i have been in a funk latley. i havent been to the gym for like three weeks. i havent been watching my food intake. i ahve been a gluttoneus peice of trash. i have beeen spending money i dont have on food that is going to contribute to an early grave and as of late i have been hoping that would be soon. i am twenty six and fuck i feel like im fifty and recovering from a fucking heart attack. i know i wont feel like this in the morning. but right now i still have taco bell in my stomach. like i said im in this i dont give a fuck lull.
    there have been good things going on. just not in the last couple of days. i have been watching my son a lot more now. although i get to spend more time with him. i have been in the mood where i dont want to do shit. i just sit on the couch getting fatter while he plays with his toys. i have no idea why i wont just play with this cute ball of awesomeness. for some shitty reason i cant peel myself off the couch to do it.
   like i said i have been in a funk. fights with the wife over the most pointless shit. i got drunk a few night ago for the first time in months. so there is a huge self disapointment for sure. family issuses that i care not to really express to the person i am having them with have gone on way to long. before i wrote about jelousy. there is so much more to it. there is a feeling of not being important. a feeling of being compleatly useless to the rest.
   i assure you i will be over this verry soon. that i will find my self happy as a pig in shit. but till then i will have to deal with my emotions one way or another. i know its been a while since i put any thing down on paper gotta tell you it feels pretty good.
  on a possitive side i have been thinking about putting some material together and doing an open mike stand up one night. but i am such a shitty public speaker i dont know if it will work out for me. the last time i spoke in public was at my wedding and i cries like a fucking baby which i am reminded of al ittle more than i would like to be,. well any way thanks for reading this. i need to do something. thanks scean for telling me too. much love bro. take care of your self.